Time to Change

It's time for a change.  I really want to get physically healthy, but that's not the change I'm talking about.  The change that needs to happen is in my own attitude and feelings of self worth.

The need for an internal makeover hit me hard yesterday.

I decided to wear a casual maxi dress for the day since it was hot out.  Maybe some of you can relate to what went though my head when I looked at myself in the mirror...

"Ugh!  I must have gained weight since the last time I wore this dress.  I look so disgusting!  My arms have visible dimples and my back fat is hanging over the back.  I can see my muffin top and my butt looks really flabby.  I feel so bloated!  I really have no business wearing this dress, but  then again, I don't look good in anything I wear right now.  I'll just wear it anyway.  I'll make sure to wear my hair down to hide my ugly shoulders.  I really wish I was more tan.  Why can't I just stop eating cake and brats and pizza?  How come other people can eat whatever they want and be so skinny?  I'm so ugly!  I've never been this ugly before!  Having children really took its toll on me.  I wish I didn't have to go anywhere today.  Ugh, ugh, UGH!"

After deciding to wear the dress anyway (mostly due to the fact that I didn't have anything else clean to wear in this heat), I walked upstairs.  As soon as my three-year-old daughter saw me, she got a HUGE smile on her face and said, "Mama!  You look so beautiful in your pretty dress!"

I just stood there and broke into tears.  Years upon years of feeling ugly, chubby, embarrassed, inadequate, and frustrated were just washed away by my daughter's sweet voice.  In her eyes, I'm beautiful.  She doesn't look at magazines or watch movies yet, so she doesn't know what society's version of beauty is.  To her, I look like a beautiful princess, even if I'm not wearing makeup.  Even if I'm not a size 5 anymore. Even if the sagging skin on my tummy hangs over my pants.  Even if I have stretch marks.

What in the world have I been thinking?  What kind of example have I been setting for my sweet, innocent daughters?  What sort of mental pain have I been bringing upon myself?  Why in the world do I feel like I have to fit into a box...or look like anyone else's version of "pretty"?

Well, no more.  If you know me personally, you can hold me accountable for this.  I'm quitting cold-turkey.  I will never again complain about my physical appearance.  I will never again compare my outward appearance to anyone else.  That's just nonsense.

I am going to re-commit to being healthy and making better choices, but this time it's going to be different.  I am not going to weigh myself or take any "before and after" photos.  I'm simply going to blog about my healthy living journey so I can show how these products help me feel better...on the inside.  I have been feeling sluggish, tired, sore, crabby, and just blah lately.  I know for a fact that it's related to what I have been eating.  That's going to change.  I want to feel healthier and more energetic so I can be more present for my life and my little girls.

I'll post my first blog tomorrow, but this change is effective immediately.  It's time.

Thank you for reading, and thank you all for your support!

* Due to the nature of this post, I didn't use a filter for this photo. :)

Sarah